Your Thirties are the New Twenties...

This is my story of life and adventures after 30. Isn't 3o the new 20? Topics may include anything from dating and love to work and fitness to friends and family. It's my intent to brighten your day and make you smile and give you a glimpse into life of the thirty-something singleton. Perhaps it will inspire you to take a risk, try something new, make a change or just laugh out loud. My hope is to share with my readers my moments of truth, clarity, reflection and insight with a touch of wit and sarcasm thrown in for good measure.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Mr. Urban Cowboy

I had my first date with a match last night and  there was no love connection.   I arrived about 10 minutes late, this is par for the course for me, no matter how much I plan in advance I'm always late. (so to date me is to find my perpetual tardiness endearing or at least manageable).  This didn't appear to upset him, which was a good thing in my opinion and he looked very normal and distinguished - mid forties, tall, glasses, graying hair dressed casually but nice. It was only after he started talking that I began to realize that his online profile only gave me a very small glimpse into his life.

I am master small talker, so I don't have a problem carrying a conversation or keeping it going, but every once and a while I do like to talk too and I couldn't get this guy to stop talking about himself the entire night.  Perhaps he was lonely or nervous.  Regardless, it was a little overwhelming the amount of information he was willing to divulge. 

Let's first get to his nickname -- Mr. Urban Cowboy.  Apparently he dresses up in 19th century cowboy garb and shoots replica western guns on a regular basis, this is a real sport.  This seemed a bit strange to me, but according to him it's a popular activity in the Valley and around the world.  I asked what he wore -- and he told me had closets full of cowboy costumes. (Yes he said closets, not one but many).  I actually had to check myself at this point and make sure I didn't laugh, because he was quite serious.  I'm sure this is a perfectly respectable hobby, but I was sitting across from a 45 year old man and all I could think about was that he dresses up like a cowboy.  We talked in great length about Single Action Shooting Society.  I went home and googled it and by golly, it does exist.  I don't think I'll be dressing up like a cowgirl anytime soon, but it does look like quite the sport.  Check it out -

From there the evening just got stranger -- I heard in great detail about the software he was developing for construction estimates (we even talked in detail about drop down menus), I learned that he and his mom worked together every day in the office (just the 2 of them no one else) and that he collected antique cars and books. He plans to build a barn to serve as his workshop, which sounded like a fine idea.  But then he told me he needs the workshop because his guest rooms are overflowing with stuff (I'm guessing with car parts, books, cowboy costumes and guns, but I'm not really sure) and that he doesn't have any flooring in the entire house.  The carpets were pulled out because of termites, and he needs to figure out what he wants to do, but first he wants to build the barn.  It appears he's gone months without any flooring so what's a few more.  None of these items by themselves would have seemed odd, but together it was a little much.

He told me had plans to write music lyrics because he has a friend starting a band (these are middle aged men living in different states trying to start a band).  I asked if he had written music before and he said no, but that the words had come to him in the shower and that he had sung them to his friend over the phone.  They were very apparently very good.  He has a half written novel at home about vampires and aspires to write childrens books.  I tried to steer the conversation towards general things - movies, books, his favorite TV shows, travel - but it didn't work. He doesn't have cable (which is a valid life choice), doesn't travel or go to movies or hike or camp or really do much of anything (other than SASS) because he doesn't have anyone to go with. He did make it clear he was open to doing all of these things, with the right person of course.

So needless to say I wasn't overly impressed by this cowboy.   Then as he was paying the bill (which I offered to split) he asked if I wanted to do this again sometime.  (Seriously?!  While you're paying for dinner and sitting across from me, you ask me this question).  I really was trying to wrap up the evening, it was obvious we had nothing in common and I was exhausted from being such an active listener (I had to keep asking questions).  He asked about my plans on Wednesday and then Friday...thank goodness I really have plans (date with match #2 is on Friday).   I suggested he call me, he walked me to my car and I thanked him and gave him a hug.  (what's appropriate a hug or handshake here?)
I'm sure he's very nice, but we had nothing in common and the longer he talked the more eccentric he made himself sound. Too bad doesn't give out "how to act on a first date" or "topics to avoid on a first date" instruction sheets.  What I learned from my date with Mr. Urban Cowboy:
  • There are some things that you should wait until the 2nd, 3rd or 10th date to share
  • Conversation really works best when it's a two-way street
  • Don't put your date on the spot and ask them out again while you're still on the first date
  • When your date says what you do is not interesting and that he'd rather talk about your hike, it's not a good sign.
I think my biggest challenge in all of this, is going to be finding a polite way to tell these men I'm not interested.  I prefer to avoid conflict in situations like this, which would mean not returning calls or emails - in hopes they get the message.  But I'm going to have to bite the bullet (notice my pun) and find a way to communicate that I'm not interested.  Which my dear readers will be a topic  for a future blog.


  1. Oh my. I don't blame you for taking a pass on another date. Hopefully he will find a SASSy girl through his cowboy hobby...

    Yes, I think a hug was appropriate, since he was a nice guy. I also think, though, that just saying, "I had a good time, but I'm not interested" is valid... might be embarrassing, but at least not as drawn out as avoiding his calls.

    I've tried both ways -- avoiding calls and just saying I'm not interested -- and I prefer the more awkward tell-it-like-it-is, because then if you run into the guy later on there's none of that weird "Hey, I've called you a few times but didn't hear back from you..." stuff.

  2. I talked to a good friend at work, who also talked to her fiancee (I'm all about the input). And they both suggested an email, since it all started online. So I'll probably do that. I haven't heard from him, so perhaps he picked up on my cues too.

  3. Great idea! Makes perfect sense to keep the discussion onlin, since that's how you met.