Your Thirties are the New Twenties...

This is my story of life and adventures after 30. Isn't 3o the new 20? Topics may include anything from dating and love to work and fitness to friends and family. It's my intent to brighten your day and make you smile and give you a glimpse into life of the thirty-something singleton. Perhaps it will inspire you to take a risk, try something new, make a change or just laugh out loud. My hope is to share with my readers my moments of truth, clarity, reflection and insight with a touch of wit and sarcasm thrown in for good measure.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Mr. Actually I'm Still Married...

As I get older the likelihood of finding someone who has never been married or who doesn't have kids -- gets slimmer and slimmer. I'm actually okay with that - I get it and understand it. But when I sign up for an online dating site -- my assumption is that you’re free to date and aren't married.  Apparently that's not always the case.

Take Mr. "I'm Still Married." His profile was normal - a dad, good job, similar interests. He was friendly in emails and moved right along to talking in person. He did this before the emailing got boring and tiresome - which I liked. Seriously how many questions can you continue to ask in emails?

He seemed normal and texted before he called. Not until text message 50, did this bug me. The phone call seemed to go fine. I should have been more concerned when he said there 2 things on my profile that worried. He needed to know how much of an athlete I really was and since I went to church if I was going to make him go with me. Warning signs maybe? 

We met up for appetizers. And upon meeting  found out that he had lied about his height.  Now I've dated shorther men, which isn't horrible, but to say you're 5'10" and then have me towering over you, it's just not good and you have to know that I know you lied. At the restaurant he shared his entire life story -- the one thing about this date is that he was easy to talk to and seemed to like to talk about personal things. That's when I found out that he had been with a woman for 10 years, they had a 4 year daughter, but had only been married for 2 months and was in the process of getting the marriage annulled. She apparently cheated on him in Vegas. Annulled? Still married. And this all just happened in October...3 months ago. Good grief.

Let's just say from this point on he turned me off -- he seemed to be on the hunt for a new wife --  immediately. Just so everyone knows you can select "separated" on your profile if you aren't divorced yet. After sharing his story with me, he then asked me what was WRONG with me. Why was I still single? Now, I think he was trying to be funny but REALLY? Is this how you win over your dates. And I hate this question, there is nothing wrong with me so how do you answer this question? Usually my standard answer is that I haven't met the right guy yet or that I'm really picky.

Then he went on about how is ex wasn't dating anyone, because she couldn't find anyone as good as him. Really? And at one point he leaned over and tried to take my hand when he said I looked uncomfortable, hmmm... you've known me like half an hour, DON'T TOUCH ME. The date ended with him asking me out again. I really hate being put on the spot like that. And then all the texts started coming and the terms of endearment - luv, honey, and so on. If you met me online and we met in person for no more than hour, you do not know me well enough to use pet names on me.

I lucked out on this one, because apparently I didn't text or call him back fast enough.  He left a message Sunday night saying I had been quiet all day (yes - I told you I had a migraine and went to bed - and I really did, those pills knock you out). Before I could do anything on Monday he had placed me in his "Not Interested" bin, which means I can't send or respond to his emails. So I really didn't have to do anything - I told him very clearly that I had no interest in dating someone that was still legally married.  His situation was no different in my opinion, but according to him it was, because he was getting his marriage annulled.

Let's just say online dating has not been the happy, exciting adventure I was expecting. I'm still giving it my best shot, because I paid for 6 months and there seriously has to be some good men out there. But for right expectations are kind of low.


  1. What a creep. I'm glad he made it easy to NOT contact him again!

    Looking forward to reading about your adventures in online dating...hoping some of the stories have happier endings than this one! :)

  2. How can he think he'll get a quality woman when he lies on his profile? So in other words, the only women who will stick around are those WHO KNOW THAT HE LIED AND ARE OKAY WITH IT. Sounds like a great start to a relationship ... good job dumping that one fast!

  3. Sounds like you have some interesting dates. Keep the blogs coming!

  4. I thought about reporting him on the site -- I think it's more for the folks who lie about their age, location or are trying to solicit you for money. But decided to not be petty -- he was open about the fact that he was in the process of divorce/annulment, to him it wasn't a big deal. To me it was.

    At least he didn't wait to tell me. I dated one guy, who waited a year to tell me he had a daughter and I love kids!

  5. Jenn, the person you outline above is a boy, not a man. Goodbye, farewell, c'ya'.

    I am something of a Jenn 'fan' - I guess the word is "special" but you more than just that to me. You have the intellect, looks, focus, and clarity that men want - that I want. True, that is what men want (key word, "men").

    I have been attracted to you since the first conversation (no, not married and yes, I am taller). When I met you I found you approachable, funny, and charming - the light went 'green' and I sincerely wanted to get to know you - truth be told, the attraction was such that I was almost immediate fearful of losing you before I 'had you', which is probably why I pushed.

    Are we a match - I suspect niether of us knows but, then again, we haven't really tried.

    There is a thing with you that is difficult to define; often people might say that you could intimidate some men and while possibly accurate, that was not the deal with me. You are something of a 'wave' - always moving and hard to predict - this is possibly great when the relationship is established but in the getting to know each other it may be hard to read... it was for me.

    I like you. I really do. I don't know what I have that you may like, value, or want but I have something to offer. I can offer without the slightest string my respect and appreciation - I get your coolness and I appreciate your uniqueness.

    The real question is why am I writing on a blog at 130AM... the answer is that you are in my thoughts and it is too late to call. I will tomorrow and until then you drive me nuts, in a good way :).

    Sweet dreams.

  6. PS, this is Todd